October 9th, 2003

(no subject)

Ug. It's 4am and I think my body may be trying to miscarry. This hurts so bad I can't even describe it. This is not cramps as I know them. *whimper*

I went to the doctor on Tuesday and we talked about various possibilities. In looking at her callendar I was able to figure out that my last period was like the 20th of August. About 6 weeks. She agreed that I did seem to have every symptom of pregnancy. She indicated that my areolas changing color was something that generally isn't caused by anything other than pregnancy, since that was the thing that sold her on talking about the coming baby instead of talking in careful neutrals. Just to be safe, she ordered basically a full hormone panel and blood sugar levels, etc as well as a pregnancy test to save me coming back in if the pregnancy test came back negative. She ordered everything even remotely possibly relevant, because she wanted to make sure that she could tell what was going on if that wasn't it since she was drawing blood and it didn't hurt anything to check it all. Well, it didn't turn up a positive on pregnancy, but it also didn't turn up anything else at all. My thyroid is normal, no indications of diabetes or any of the several hormone related problems register like you would expect with endometriosis or something like that. All of my hormones and blood counts were "normal." Every last thing she could test for on the subject told her nothing at all. She was as baffled as I was. She suggested that it might be too early for enough hormone to register and told me to come back in two weeks for another pregnancy test.

Well, my body is really quite unhappy now. Considering I woke up in enough pain and much stronger waves of muscle contractions in my pelvis than I have ever had, enough to wake me up crying and enough to make it hard to breathe normally with the really strong ones, I am guessing that for whatever reason, it was a non-viable fetus and my body is trying to expell the whole mess now. God does it hurt. And I'm nauseous as all hell to boot.

Maybe at least my breasts will stop hurting and my stomach will settle down if it does cause more than the spotting so far and my body gives up on this one. At this point I want to just not be in pain again. What I wouldn't do for some narcotics right about now. Jesus.