May 7th, 2005

A thank you for the beauty inside a friend.

I have always wanted to create. To create for others the gasping impossibility of beauty that I have found so much of in the world and words of others. But I have spent so many years staring down the lense of human incompetense and blindness that I fight more days than not for something besides despair at how much any such effort will only fall on deaf ears.

I spent so many hundreds of hours being jarred and yanked about from disjoint where there should be flow, and the broken content of a million staggering eyes that held no more fluid of life than a slatted spoon. So many years of painful realization that most people cannot even see. So many years understanding that the vertigo of beauty, the air that cannot be drawn in the face of infinity is lost on people. Trapped inside those bodies.

It is easy to lose myself in the oozing nature of despair at the content of so many empty faces. But just when I have given up on creating meaning for those who will not see, someone with talent like hers comes along and I wish that I could contain in words what it does for my soul just to get to share in what she sees. Just to be brought to tears with simple words, breathless and nourished by proxy to her inner light. I wish that I could show the world the depth of what she sees.

Thank you. Bless you for blessing us all.